Joke of the Day...

[DAVID GAGNARD]

Moving To El Paso.......

May 30th
Just moved to El Paso, Texas...Now this is a city that knows how
to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains
and deserts blend together. What a place! Watched the sunset
from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally
found my home. I love it here. Welcome to our town:

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air conditioned home, drive an air conditioned car. What a
pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
real sun worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of
cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for
me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.


July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people
get used to this kind of heat? At least it's nice and windy though.
But getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.



July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my
body. Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned
my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like
this.



July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when
I left this morning. By the time I got out to the
hot car for lunch, Morgan had swollen up to the size
of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth
of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran
away. The car now smells like Kibbles and ****s!!
No more pets in this heat!!



July 25th:
This wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking
blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air conditioner
is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by
and tell me he needed to order parts.



July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 in
damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever
come here?

Aug 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid
repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.

Aug 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going
to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the
radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell
like roasted freaking Garfield!!

Aug 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the
black leather seat in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire.
I lost two layers of flesh. Now my car smells like burnt ass and
fried cat.



Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and
sunny. It's been too hot to do **** for two damn months and the
weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it
ever rain in this barren desert? Water rationing will be next so
$1,700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn
pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.



Aug 14:
Welcome to Hell!! Temperature got to 113 today. If I had wanted
to move to Death Valley, I would have moved there instead. Forgot
to crack the window and blew the damned windshield out of the
Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for
you today?"

My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of
jail.


David