DRAGNET: Tom Van Lokeren, 47, knew who had stolen two of his credit cards, but police in San Francisco,
Calif., refused to arrest the suspect. So Van Lokeren bought a fishing net at Fisherman's Wharf, plus a can of
pepper spray and a stun gun at a military surplus store, and arrested the suspect himself. "I ran up after him,
and I stunned him on
*the shoulder, then I used the pepper spray. But, in all the ruckus, I ended up dropping the net. I never used
it." The police finally took it from there, booking James Timothy Stevens, 21, on two counts of theft.* Officers
are too busy with emergencies to deal with "property crimes," said Police Capt. James L. Dudley, explaining
the department's initial
*refusal to help. "It's not a life-threatening situation." Police, he added, "certainly don't encourage the public
to make their own arrest.* That's our job." (San Francisco Chronicle) ...The sad thing is, he doesn't even
notice any irony in there.
AIRLINE INSECURITY: A week after a pilot and a co-pilot for America West Airlines were arrested for trying to
fly an airliner drunk, a passenger boarding an America West flight from San Francisco, Calif., to Tucson,
Ariz., asked flight attendants if they had "checked the crew for sobriety." The attendants took immediate
action: they threw her off the
plane. "Safety is no joking matter," explained America West spokeswoman Patty Nowack. "While this
passenger may have been joking it is difficult to determine if someone is joking or serious. We take any
comment regarding safety seriously." (Reuters) ...Passenger warning: Anyone who considers a serious,
rational question a "joking threat to
safety" may be drunk
DRINKING, NOT THINKING: Craig Anthony Gribben, 27, was trying to get into his car, but the key broke off in the
lock. He asked the police in Tauranga, New Zealand, for help. The officer was a tad suspicious when he noticed
Gribben wasn't wearing any pants. A check of the car Gribben was trying to get into revealed it wasn't his -- it
belonged to a local police officer. He was arrested. Gribben's lawyer later explained that his client was simply "very
drunk" and thought the car was his.* (Hawke's Bay Today) ...It could have been worse: if it was his car the cops would
have gotten him for drunk driving.
DRINKING, NOT THINKING II: Sheriff's deputies in Gainesville, Fla., responded to a car alarm after a 911 caller said
there was a man locked inside the car trying to kick his way out through a window. Deputies arrived to find David
Christopher Lander, 51, "trying to hide, all scrunched down in the back seat," a sheriff's spokesman said. The car's
alarm system automatically locked the doors when it was activated. "I guess he thought deputies couldn't see him.
Had he pushed the button on the driver's side door, he could have gotten out." Witnesses said Lander reeked of
alcohol. He was arrested and charged with burglary and, since some of the car's contents were in his pockets, theft.
(Gainesville Sun) ...Look at that! The first time a cop ever responded to a car alarm, and he got a collar!
THERE WAS STILL ANOTHER fire last week, this time right in Boulder. Being interested in how stupid people
can be, you'll appreciate this: a helicopter dropping water on the fire had to ask the police to clear people
from around the lake he was dipping water out of because so many people were gathered around to watch it
was getting dangerous. (Duh!)
If that wasn't bad enough, another officer was dispatched out to have a talk with a paraglider who was trying
to get a close look at the fire! If that wasn't bad enough, he was in the way -- of a tanker plane!* I am
continuously amazed at how stupid people can be.
DRIVEN: "Cops: Man Steals Car to Get to Car Theft Hearing" -- Jersey City Journal headline
*
Rev. Jesse Jackson walked into the appliance section of a Sears Roebuck store. He
looked around then shouted, " I want to see the manager right now!"
The manager of the department came out and said, "How can I help you Reverend?"
Jesse replied, "I want to know why all of your washing machines are WHITE?"
The manager immediately flipped open all the lids of the washing machines and
said: "Reverend Jackson, yes, all of our washing are white but if you look inside,
you'll find that all of the Agitators are Black."
USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who
accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the
PR department sent out letters to all the
wives of
businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up to leave until the theater was ready to close for
the night. "You folks must've enjoyed the show," the usher said. "Disgusting," said the old lady.
"It was revolting," her husband added. "Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks. "We had to wait until
you turned up the house lights," the old lady replied. "We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!"
Sign above the scale in a doctor's office:
Pretend it's your IQ
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a
long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.
The next time you feel like complaining,
remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in
this world.
Great internet sites....
Dog Dolls
Artist Lisa Pay makes dolls with dogs heads.
They are disturbing and made us flinch -
although they are meant to be cute.
http://www.pedigreesroyal.com/Dollydogs.htm
Penis Gallery
Satoki Nishida is a Japanese artist who takes
photos of his penis dressed in dolls costumes.
Some of them are in dresses and they actually
look quite sweet. (he could've put a face on it!)
http://makeashorterlink.com/?E40D243D
Rate my Implants
The rate my x trend continues with this
variation where you can look at women's breast implants and vote whether the surgeon has done a convincing job.
BTW: a quick search on netcraft domain monitoring site shows that there are 425 ratemy sites registered.
http://www.ratemyimplants.com
Jet Powered Beer Cooler
Beer loving Kiwi Simon Jansen has built a beer cooler powered with a jet engine. The photos
are great. Sadly this cooler doesn't fit into the back of his new car and he wants you to give him a spare turbo -
if you have one.
http://www.asciimation.co.nz/beer/
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