Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops & livestock.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and
Lebanon)
Afghanistan still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe
levels.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Nursing home event... Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with candy striper.
Texas executes last remaining citizen.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants. Baby conceived naturally.....scientists stumped.
Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet seven inches.
Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.
The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning,
addressing his congregation, vehement that alcohol was the
work of the devil. "As an example," he stated during his sermon,
"If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of
whiskey, from which would he drink?"
A grizzled old Mick at the back of the church spoke up: "Aye,
Father, for sure he'd drink from the water."
The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you
tell me WHY he'd drink from the water?"
The Irishman at the back of the church replied, "Sure I can
tell ye' why, Father. Because he's an ass."
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