Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

Microsoft TV Dinner

Instructions For Microsoft's New TV Dinners:

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so, you agree
to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may
not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute
an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let
others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell
them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
Set the oven using these keystrokes:

mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat

Then enter:

ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.now

If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and
press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight
of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start.
The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner
exactly to your specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case
your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove
the dinner from the oven and enter:

ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.damnit

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave
and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your
oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big,
larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments,
most of which are empty. These are for future menu items.
If the tray is too large to fit in your oven, you will need to
upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the
chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety,
call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want
another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions
of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger
family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but
must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98.
However, that version has yet to be released. Users have
permission to get thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in
the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature,
not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted, anyway.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
==========================================
Happy Baby Fun!
http://members.aol.com/fdipiazza/stickybaby.htm
This could drive ya crazy if ya let it!
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Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
==========================================
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask
for window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed out
that this would prevent them from sitting together.

"Sweetheart," the woman patiently replied, "I just spent ten
goddamn days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man.
I *know* what I'm requesting."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet,
and I was going to keep it, rather than return it, but I thought,
"Well, if *I* lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?"

And I realized that I would want to be taught a very valuable lesson.
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