Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

Subject: The "Stella" Award

In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $2.9 million U.S. in damages to
81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs,
groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself
that she was holding between her legs while driving her car.

This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award-- for the most
frivolous lawsuit in the U.S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.
All these cases verge on the ridiculous!
___________

January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by
jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
running
inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably
surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms.
Robertson's son.

June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.
Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car,
when he was trying to steal his neighbour's hubcaps.

October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a
house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to
get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was
malfunctioning. He
couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr.
Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on
a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the
homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental
anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.

October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500
and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
neighbour's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in
yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might
have been
just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it
repeatedly with a pellet gun.

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,
Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her
boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the
owner of a night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This
occurred while Ms Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the
ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000
and dental expenses.

And the winner is:
Mr Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000 Mr Grazinski purchased
a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having
entered the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left
the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not
surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr
Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he
couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie.
Winniebago actually changed their
handbooks on the back of this court case, just incase there are any other
complete morons buying their vehicles.








There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money
and was a real miser. He loved money more than just about anything, and
just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I
want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because
I wanna take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when
he died, she'd put all his money in the casket with him. Well he
finally died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife sitting
there dressed all in black, and her best friend sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers were going
to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait a minute!' She had a box with
her. She took the box and put it down in the casket. Then the
undertakers locked the casket lid down, and rolled it away.

Her friend looked at her hard, and said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool
enough to put all that money in there with that man."

The wife responded, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised
him I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put all that money in the casket with that
man?"

"I sure did," said the wife with a smile. "I wrote him a check."














A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices
a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign
on them saying "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just could not believe this price so she asks
the clerk if it was correct.
He said "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She said "That can't be right !"
The clerk says "Oh yes, it's right !! 5 boxes for a dollar,
no strings attached."






















> A pastor's church was getting too large for him to
cover
> all of the duties so he had a clone made of himself.
All
> was going well, he could be in two hospitals at once
> praying for the sick, attend two meetings at the same
> time, this was his answer for his busy life.
>
> Suddenly, the genes went crazy and the cloned
preacher's
> personality changed. He started making passes towards
> women, yelling at drivers who cut him off, and making
> obscene gestors. This concerned the pastor so he and
the
> clone took a day off and went to the Sears Tower, ate
> lunch, and enjoyed the view from the top.
>
> While the clone was looking at the skyline through the
> telescope, the pastor pushed him over the side and
that
> was the end of the clone. When the pastor left the
> building and walked past the crowd that had gathered,
the
> police stopped him and placed him under arrest. "Under
> arrest"?? What's the charge?
>
> Making an obscene clone fall.