Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

Controlling Husbands

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they have over
their wives, while the
third remained quiet. After a while one of the first two turned to the third and said, "Well, what about you,
what sort of control do you
have over your wife?"

The third fellow said, "I'll tell you -- just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The
first two guys were amazed.
"Wow! What happened then?" they asked.

The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and
fight like a man.'









The grossest thing for me to see
is my bathroom floor all full of pee

Why can't they make it in the bowl?
Don't they see-there is a hole?

Out in the woods they think it's cute
to see how far a guy can "shoot."

But in the house, it's plain to see...
there is a bowl in which to pee
(It's usually white and kinda round
you hit the water, not the ground.)

Why can't they make it in the bowl?
Is it a problem with control?
If not control, then tell me why...
they make the bathroom such a sty?

Come on guys, get a clue!

You know what you have to do

Be a human not a pig
and don't forget to lift the lid.

When your done, make it flush
don't always be in such a rush.

Then take the lid and push it down
(don't make us women feel like clowns)

Falling in, it is not fun-
getting water on your bums

Zip up your pants and you're all done
now wasn't that alot of fun??

Keep this little poem in mind~
your woman will find you very kind.











>
>
>HOW TO GET RESULTS
>George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his
>wife
>told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could
>see
>from the bedroom window.
>George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there
>were
>people in the shed stealing things.
>He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said
>no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply
>lock his
>door and an officer would be along when available.
>George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police
>again. "Hello I just called you a few seconds ago because there were
>people in my
>shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot
>them
>all." Then he hung up.
>Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an
>ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence.
>Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
>One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot
>
>them!"
>George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"











The New Dress

by Ron Selby

A lady walked into the room to show hubby her new dress,
She was a rather large lady - around forty two in the chest.
The dress was cut really low - showed off her feminine shape,
Her husband's eyes almost popped - all he could do was gape!

"Where did you get that dress, my dear?" said hubby with a grin.
"There seems to be more of you out of it - than there is within.
You really look desirable, dear! It's the greatest dress by far!
You really look sexy, especially as your not wearing a bra!"

"How did you know that I had no bra?" she asked her loving spouse.
"Now don't you get me wrong my dear! That dress, it looks real grouse!
I can tell you have no bra on, dear, behind all that frill and lace,
I can tell real easy - 'cause all the wrinkles have gone from your face!"






Here's a great piece of historical trivia - just what you always wanted
to know


Ever wonder where the word "****" comes from.....well here it is

Certain types of manure used to be transported by ship (as everything was
back then). Well, in dry form manure weighed a lot less, but once water
(at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began
again, and a by-product of fermentation is methane gas. And, as this stuff was
stored below decks in bundles, you can see what could - and did - happen.
Methane gas began to build up below decks and the first time someone came
below decks at night with a lantern . . . . BOOOM!!!!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was discovered what
was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped
with the term "S.H.I.T" on them which meant to the sailors to "SHIP HIGH IN
TRANSIT" . . . in other words high enough off the lower decks so that any
water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and begin
the production of methane.

Bet you didn't know that one.