Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem ?" He
replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful ? My wife doesn't know about it yet."
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A professor is giving the first year medical students their first
lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before
starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy.
The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this
point,the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then
licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the
corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they
follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense
of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I
licked my index."
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A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks
him if he wants anything.
So the Hippy says 'Yeah a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not to rare,
but right in the groove.'
So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink.

He says 'A cup of tea.
Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.'
The waiter's kinda getting pissed now, but he brings the tea and kinda
slams it on the table. Little while later the waiter comes back and
asks the Hippy if he wants any dessert. He says 'Yeah some ice cream.
Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but right in the Groove.'
So the waiter says 'Why dont you kiss my ass. Not the right cheek, not the left cheek, but right in the Groove!'
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Tarzan lumbered home after a hard day's work just in time to see a
crocodile snap one of his 15 kids off the riverbank.
"Hey Jane," he yelled, "Did you see that?"
"Oh come to bed," Jane shouted back, "and we'll make another one."
The next day, as Tarzan was making his way home again, it happened once
more.
A crocodile came out of the river and grabbed one of his kids.
Jane was not in the least bit concerned when Tarzan brought it to her
attention.
"Let's go to bed and make another one," she said.
"No way!" Tarzan boomed, stamping his feet. "I'm not working all day
and ****ing all night just to feed the bloody pet crocodiles!"
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As the priest was leaving his church after the service, he accidentally
bumped a gorgeous blonde parishioner, knocking her left tit with his
elbow.
"I'm so sorry," the priest gushed. Then after a moment of hesitation
added, "But I'm sure that if your heart is as soft as your breast,
there's a place for you in heaven."
"Well," said the blonde, "if your cock's as hard as your elbow, we
should go into those bushes and ____!"
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Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because
her first period had started and she had no idea what it was.
The girl's teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggested
Sheryl talk to her mom.
She was walking home when she ran into little Johnny.
"Why are you crying? Asked little Johnny.
"I'm crying because I'm bleeding," she replied.
"Give me a look," said little Johnny.
She lifted her skirt and showed him.
"Duckin' hell!" said little Johnny. "No wonder you're bleeding - some
bastard's cut off your cock!"
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A blonde and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became
bored.
"Hey, let's play a game" she said.
"What game?" was his bored reply.
"Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me."
"What if I can't find you?"
"I'll be behind the piano."
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A blonde went to her mail box several times way before it was time for
the mailman to make his rounds.
A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was
waiting for a special delivery.
"No," she replied, "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."
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There is this women she has two horrible, rotten, spoilled kids. She
has finally had all she can take. She can't handle them any longer.
She takes them to see a counselor. The younger child is asked to be
seen first.
A day later the child goes in for his appointment. The doctor
take the child in his office. Talks to him asking general questions.
Finally the doctor says, son where is Jesus? The child didn't respond.
The doctor asked again just a little louder; son where is Jesus? The
child didn't respond.
Now angry the doctor stomps his foot pointing his finger and asked
again son where is Jesus? Again the child didn't respond. Now very
angry the doctor calls it quits for the day. Sends the boy on his way.
They get home and the brother all worried about his visit asked well what's
going on what happen. The boys says I dunno but Jesus is missing and
they think we have something to do with it.