Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to
go and talk to the minister right away. They agree
and the pastor greets the family.

"Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that
our bodies came from the dust."

"That's right, Johnny, I did."

"And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies
go back to dust."

"Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?"

"Well you better come over to our house right away
and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either
comin' or goin'!"



The Top 10 Signs You're Not the Sexual Marvel You Once Were!


10
These days, you get winded just
turning down the blanket.

9
"Five times in one night" now
means that your overactive
bladder syndrome is acting up again.

8
Bob Dole sends you an FTD
"Sorry You're Flaccid" bouquet.

7
Then ~ "Where's Waldo?"
played in bed with your pendulous babe;
Now ~ "Where's Waldo?" played
in bathroom with your pendulous
stomach.

6
Your patented "Inverse Cowgirl"
position now lands you in traction
for a week.

5
Then ~ She slipped gently into sleep
after spending 30 minutes in a
post-orgasmic stupor.
Now ~ She says you're blocking her view of the TV.

4
It takes six Viagra just to play hard to get.

3
Your mother doesn't knock on the
bathroom door and express her
concern nearly as often as she used to.

2
You can still make her eyes roll
back in her head, but now it's out
of annoyance.

1
Your response to a cute, 16-year-old
high school student with tight jeans and an exposed belly?
"GET OFF MY LAWN!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Fishing or %$@)&#^ ?
First of all, you clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your
rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up while
not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that
there are no kinks or any wear.
Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied.
Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait,

and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~










Little Johnny was strolling down the road when he
passed a sport shop. He saw a Calgary Flames
jersey, and he picked it up and put it on.

He continued to stroll down the street when a
pedophile pulled up next to him and asked if he
needed a lift.

"Oh Yes Sir" Little Johnny said, and jumped into
the car.

Soon the pedophile asked, "Little boy, do you
know what masturbation is?"

"No sir" replied Little Johnny.

"Do you know what copulation is?" asked the
pedophile.

"No sir" he replied again.

"Do you know what fornication is?" asked the
pedophile.

"No sir" he said once again.

"Would you like to suck my cock?" asked the
pedophile.

Little Johnny looked at the shirt he was wearing,
looked at the pedophile and said "I'm not really a
Calgary Flames player, sir, I just stole this jersey!"