Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

Ever wonder where the word **** comes from? Well, here it is:

Certain types of manure used to be transported (as everything was years
ago) by ship. In dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once
water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of
fermentation began again, of which a byproduct is methane gas.
As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could
(and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the
first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was discovered
what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always
stamped with the term "S.H.I.T" on them which meant to the sailors to
"Ship High In Transit." In other words, high enough off the lower decks
so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile
cargo and start the production of methane.

Bet you didn't know the history of that word.
=============================
The Height Of All Emotions

Height of Patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under
a banana tree.
Height of Frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls.
Height of Innocence: A teenager girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.
Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute.
Height of Laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake
to do the rest.
Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall.
Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.
Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger
pokes through the paper.
Height of Technology: Condom with a zipper.
Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his ass
itching.
==========================
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one
night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the
bathroom, flings open her robe and yells:
"Super *****!"
The old man says: "I'll have the soup."
=======================
MALE DICTIONARY FOR FEMALES
1."I'm going fishing" -
Means.. "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a
stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete
safety"
2. "It's a guy thing" -
Means.. "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and
you have no chance at all of making it logical".
3. "Can I help with dinner?" -
Means.. "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"
4. "Uh huh", "Sure honey," or "Yes dear" -
Means.. Absolutely nothing; it is a conditioned response.
5. "It would take too long to explain" -
Means.. "I have no idea how it works".
6. "We're going to be late" -
Means.. "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac".
7. "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind"
Means.. "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a
bra".
8. "Take a break honey, you're working too hard" -
Means.. "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner".
9. "That's interesting dear" -
Means.. "Are you still talking?"
10."It's a really good movie" -
Means.. "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women".
11."That's women's work" -
Means.. "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless".
12."You know how bad my memory is" -
Means.. "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the
first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of
every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday or our
anniversary."
13."I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses" -
Means.. "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe".
14."Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal" -
Means.. "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death
before I admit I'm hurt".
==================
TO MY DEAR WIFE: During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I was finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
======================
The owner of a golf course in Alabama was confused about paying an
invoice, so he decided to ask his blonde secretary for some
mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said,
"You graduated from the University of Florida. If I were to give you
$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied,
"Everything but my earrings."
======================
She was only the...

Barman's Daughter, But She Knew How To Pull Them.

Blacksmith's Daughter, But She Knew How To Forge Ahead.

Bookbinder's Daughter, But She Knew Her Way Between The Sheets.

Bootleggers Daughter, But I Loved Her Still.

Bricklayer's Daughter, But She Was Certainly Stacked.

Butcher's Daughter, But There Wasn't Much More She Could Loin.

She was only the...

Dentist's daughter, but everybody wanted to fill her cavity.

Dentist's Daughter, But She Had The Nicest Set Of Teeth I Ever Came
Across!

Detective's Daughter, But She Was Fond Of Dicks.

Doctor's Daughter, But She Really Knew How To Operate.

Draughtman's Daughter, But She Never Knew Where To Draw The Line.
======================
A fellow passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he
stepped inside. There was nobody in sight, and nothing there but an
empty bare hallway, with 2 doors reading "Over 35" and "Under 35".

He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said "Over 35". He
found himself in another empty hallway, this one with 2 doors that
read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches".

Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found
himself in another empty hall, with 2 more doors reading, "Once a
night" and "Over 4 times a night".

Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night"
and found himself back out on the street.

The moral of this story is:
"Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed".
=====================
* Interorgasm *
http://www.ratedtoons.com/flash/Interorgasm.cfm