Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

TOP TEN LIST- THE LAST THINGS A
WOMAN WOULD EVER SAY

10. Could our relationship be more
physical? I'm tired of being just friends.
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's
easier for me to douche that way.
8. Hey, get a whiff of that one!
7. Please don't throw that old T-shirt
away. The holes in the armpits are too
cute.
6. This diamond is just way too big.
5. Does this make my ass look too small.
4. I'm wrong, you must be right again.
3. Wow! It really is 14 inches!
2. I think hairy balls are so sexy.
1. I won't even put my lips on that thing
unless I get to swallow.



TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN THE OFFICE, AREN'T:

10. I need to whip it out by 5.

9. Mind if I use your laptop?

8. Just stick it in my box.

7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!

6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!

5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!

4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.

3. It's an entry level position.

2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?

*And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the office isn't:

1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!


TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM, AREN'T:

10. Have you looked through her briefs?

9. He is one hard judge.

8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.

6. Is it a penal offense?

5. Better leave the handcuffs on.

4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!

3. Can you get him to drop his suit?

2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

*And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law isn't:

1. Think you can get me off?


TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN GOLF, AREN'T:

10. Damn, my shaft is bent.

9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. Look at the size of his putter.

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome?

4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired.

*And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isn't:

1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.





The Guy Dictionary
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON
MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real
babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE
ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a
real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will
bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands,
so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
said, and am hoping desperately that I can
fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next
three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and
realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more
outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."







This is highly amusing.....

Inner Peace

Someone sent me an article that said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish things you've
started. It is definitely working for me. I am now making a point of always finishing what I
start, and I think I am well on my way toward finding inner peace.
Because I care for you, I am passing this wisdom on to you........
**
*
*
*
*
Here are the things that I have finished today:
two bags of potato chips,
a strawberry cheesecake,
a package of Oreo's,
a bottle of wine
and a small box of chocolates.

I think this really works because I feel better already!

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