Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT. . .

....Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.
....Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble.
....Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute.
....Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.
....Thought that "no kidding" meant some form of birth control.
....Thought that Peter Pan was something for under the bed.
....Thought that "Moby Dick" was a venereal disease.
....Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass.
....Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the left guard.
....Wore union pants because her best friend was having labor pains.
....Studied 5 days for a urine test.
....Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.
....Thought fetus was a character from "Gunsmoke".
....Thought a mushroom was a place to kiss.
....Was in the Indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 for directions.
....Put 75 holes in her face?...she was learning to eat with a fork.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hickory dickory dock
Some girl was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I shot my goo
And dumped the ***** on the next block.
=============================
Someone suggested we should rebuild the Towers with the names Freedom and Unity, and
let the terrorists figure out what the initials stand for."
================================
A man and his wife are watching boxing on TV. The husband sighs and says, "I'm
disappointed! It was all over in four minutes."

The wife replies, "Good! now you know how I feel."
================================
There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the
doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs.

She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't
believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.

The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said,
"Please help me! This itch is killing me and I know
that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin!"

The doctor checks her out and says, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that
you don't have crabs,... the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies!"
===============================
I took a very classy and absolutely gorgeous lady on our first date the other evening. We
had dinner at a very nice restaurant and went to a stage show afterwards. We were getting
along fabulously and as the time came to part I drove her to her house and walked her to
her front door.

Being a gentleman I thanked her for her company, saying she was so beautiful she reminded
me of a wild rambling rose. She thanked me for the compliment and we parted, but not
before we arranged to see each other the following evening.

I arrived at her house the next evening as arranged, walked to and knocked on her front
door. She came to the door, opened it and punched me right in the mouth.

Somewhat surprised as one would expect, I asked her what had caused her to do that?

She replied, "After you dropped me home last night I was very flattered by the
compliment you gave me and looked up wild rambling rose in my encyclopedia. It said that
they did not perform well in bed but when tied to a fence or wall, rooted very well."
===============================
A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as former President Clinton
appeared on the television. After a few sips, he
looked up at the television and mumbled:

"Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."

A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him,and decked him. A
few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the
television. "She's a horse's ass too."

This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up,walked over to him, and
knocked him off his stool.

"Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar.

"This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"
===============================
So well stacked was the new coed named Brenda
All the studs wanted to part her pudenda
But, to their dismay
They discover her first lay
Was not Tom, Dick ,or Harry, but, Glenda
================================

A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him,
until he betrayed the wrong woman-- a practicing witch.
The morning after she caught him with another girl,
he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead.
He thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to
ridiculous proportions throughout the day.
In a panic, he sought the advice of a physician who examined
the man and ran tests on the strange tissue.
By now the bump was three inches long, and starting to take
an oddly familiar shape.
"What is this thing growing out of my head, Doctor?"
"We've run every test we know to confirm the findings,"
he said gravely,
"but they all tell us the same thing.
The bump in your forehead is developing into a fully grown penis."
"I can't believe this! Isn't there anything you can do?"
"I'm afraid not. Removing it would kill you."
"I'll be a freak! No woman will come near me!"
"There's more," said the Doctor.
"You're going to experience vision problems."
"Will I go blind, Doc?" said the man.
"No, you'll just have trouble seeing with testicles

hanging in front of your eyes."
================================================== ==
Two polish coal miners (Ernie & Rich) were down in the mine working. The noon whistle blew
for lunch and Ernie pulled out a thermos of hot coffee.

Rich looks at it and says, "Say, Ernie, vat you got dere?"

Ernie says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."

Rich says, "Ya, I have to get me one."

That night Rich goes home, but forgets what it is called. So the next day they are down in
the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Ernie pulls out his thermos
of hot coffee. Rich looks at it and says, "Say, Ernie, vat you got dere?"

Ernie says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."

Rich says, "Ya, I have to get me one."

That night Rich goes home, but forgets what it is called again. Well Rich really wants one of
these things. So he decides the next day when he asks he's going to write it down so he
remembers what it is.

The next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch
and Ernie pulls out his thermos of hot coffee. Rich looks at it and says, "Say, Ernie, vat you
got dere?"

Well, by this time Ernie's getting pretty upset. Every day Rich asks what it is and never
remembers so he decides to just make up stuff since Rich isn't going to remember anyway.

So Ernie says, "Dis is a contraceptive."

Rich says, "Ya, I have to get me one." And he writes it down. That night Rich is in the
neighborhood drug store and the pharmacist sees him walking around and says to him, "Can
I help you?"

Rich says, "Ya, I'd like a contraceptive."

And the pharmacist says, "Sure, what size?"

Rich says, "Give me da 2 quart size, I'll be working in da hole all day!"
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