Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

==========================================
A male and female on a plane. "I think everyone's asleep, lets go"

Sound of steps. "This one's empty ... no-ones looking ... you go in
first"

"It a bit cramped - let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick,
put it on"

Sniff, sniff. "Ah perfume - you think of everything" "This is
great....."
(long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain
speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're
doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations...
Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke
detector!"
=================================
Man is like an automobile...

As it gets older, the differential starts slipping, and the U-joints
get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad.

The transmission won't go into high gear and sometimes has
difficulty getting out of low. Overdrive is out of the question!

The cylinders get worn and lose compression, making it hard to
climb the slightest incline. When it is climbing, the tappets clatter
and ping to the point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to
the top.

The carburetor gets fouled with pollutants and other matter, making
it hard to get started in the morning. His gas fumes can kill ya!

It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the leaking hose. His
frame has a big bow in the middle too. The thermostat goes out,
making it difficult to reach operating temperature. The headlights
grow dim, and the battery needs constant recharging.

His shifter is stuck in the down position which is the 'low position'
and ya can't get any where that way.

But if the body looks good, we can keep it washed and polished,
giving the impression it can compete with newer models and make
one more trip down the primrose lane before the head gasket blows.

Gentlemen...start your engines!
=====================================
Two men are driving through New York when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his
nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that
for?"
The cop answers, "You're in New York son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side, and
taps on the window.
The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say to your buddy, 'I wish that asshole would've tried that **** with
me!'"
===============================================
Having determined that the husband was infertile, a childless couple
decided to try artificial insemination.
When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress, get up

on the table and place her feet in the stirrups.
She was feeling very comfortable about the whole situation and when the
doctor started dropping his pants, she freaked.

"Wait a second! What the hell is going on here?" she yelled.
"Don't you want to get pregnant?" asked the doctor.
"Well, yes, but" stammered the woman.
"Well lie back and spread 'em," replied the doctor.
"Were out of the bottled stuff, so you'll just have to settle for
what's on tap."
===============================
Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans?
Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?
*****
Why do Mexicans eat Tomales for Christmas?
So they have something to unwrap!
============================================
HOW MANY MALE CHAUVINISTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
None. Let the ***** do the dishes in the dark.
*****
WHAT IS LOVE?
The delusion that one woman differs from another.
*****
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR WIFE & YOUR JOB?
After 5 years your job still sucks.
====================================