Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

Want to truly understand your man? Just simply match the questions of "What A Man Says" with "What A Man Wants". Give yourself one point
for each correct answer!
"What A Man Says"
1. "These flowers are for you."
2. "Can I have your number?"
3. "You look beautiful."
4. "I've enjoyed tonight."
5. "What we have is special."
6."I love you."

"What A Man Wants"
A. Sex
B. Sex
C. Sex
D. Sex
E. Sex
F. Sex
==============
A young man goes to his doctor with a personal problem. He pulls down his pants and displays a rather long and large penis.
"So, what's the problem?" the doctor asks.
"I can't get beyond a first date with a woman. A kiss,a touch or even just a whiff of her perfume and whammm! I get this tent in my pants."
The doctor thinks for a moment. "Well, drugs are really out of the question, they could have some long term side effects. Have you tried
strapping it to your leg?"
The young man agrees to try it.
A couple of days pass and the doctor runs into his patient on the street."So, how did things work out?"
"Okay, at first," the young man admits sheepishly. "I took this girl out on a first date, we had a great time,and with it strapped to my leg my
erection wasn't so obvious. When I took her home, she leaned over to give me a goodnight kiss on the front steps, giving me a peek down her
blouse, and that's when it happened."
"What?"
"That's when I kicked her right in the face!"
================================
Mrs. Jones called the doctor's office and was met with this response
by the secretary. "This is Dr. Whitman's office. What would you like to talk about?"
Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied sarcastically, "I want to order a hamburger with fries. For Christ's sake, why would I call a
doctor if I didn't feel sick? I'm very sick. I need to see the doctor."
"Fine," replied the secretary, "I can make an appointment for you. Let me see, ahhhh yes, I have an appointment one week from next Friday."
"Great," said Mrs. Jones, "I'll have my mortician drop me off then!"
==========================
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status
figures in Rome. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything
to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have
any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the
beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very
grudgingly, he agreed.

He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the
beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman
strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept
thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down
and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.

All of a sudden, he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right
over him. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. They
were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around.
It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out
there.

At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My
wife's dinner party!!!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast,
grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door.

He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of
his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the
stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.

There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a
very angry wife standing in the doorway wondering where he's been all this
time.

He looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the
snails, and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
========================

A pastor walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping with music and
dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after
the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the
revelers saw the town pastor, the room went dead silent.

He walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not?" the pastor asked. "Well, there is a statue of a naked woman in
there, and her most private part is covered only by a fig leaf." "Nonsense,"
said the pastor, "I'll just look the other way."

So the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs, and
he proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, he came back out, and the
whole place was hopping with music and dancing again.

However, they did stop just long enough to give the pastor a loud round of
applause.

He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they
applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a
drink?" "But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled pastor.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the
statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about that drink?"
==========================

A pastor walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping with music and
dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after
the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the
revelers saw the town pastor, the room went dead silent.

He walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not?" the pastor asked. "Well, there is a statue of a naked woman in
there, and her most private part is covered only by a fig leaf." "Nonsense,"
said the pastor, "I'll just look the other way."

So the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs, and
he proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, he came back out, and the
whole place was hopping with music and dancing again.

However, they did stop just long enough to give the pastor a loud round of
applause.

He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they
applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a
drink?" "But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled pastor.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the
statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about that drink?"
.
However, they did stop just long enough to give the pastor a loud round of
applause.

He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they
applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a
drink?" "But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled pastor.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the
statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about that drink?"