Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

Top Ten Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren't

10. "Just reach in and grab the giblets."

9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"

8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"

7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"

5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"

4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her
down."

3. "It's cool whip time!"

2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"

1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts
out."
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He laid her on the table,
So white, clean and bare.

His forehead wet with beads of sweat,
He rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and then her breast,
And then, drooling, felt her thigh.

The slit was wet and all was set, He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...he looked inside,

All was dark and murky.

He rubbed his hands and stretched out his arms,

And then he stuffed the turkey
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A Famous Quote
"I have never understood
why anyone would
roast the turkey
and shuck the clams
and crisp the croutons
and shell the peas
and candy the sweets
and compote the cranberries
and bake the pies
and clear the table
and wash the dishes
and fall into bed exhausted
when they could just as easily sit back
and enjoy a hamburger or a pork sandwich."

The Turkey
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How to Cook a Turkey (R)

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
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The day before Thanksgiving this little boy heard his mom and dad
fighting. The husband said to his wife, "You stupid *****, you have
floppy tits." She wasn't about to be outdone and said, "Well you have
a crooked dick, you bastard." Well, the little boy heard every word
they said. After they got done fighting, he went up to the mom and
asked her what *****es and bastards were.
She told him that they were people.
Then he asked what crooked dicks and floppy tits were.
She told him that they were coats and hats. The little boy accepted
both answers and went on his way.

The next day, they were getting ready for a huge feast with friends and

family. The little boy went up stairs where his dad was shaving.
The dad cut himself and said "****!" Well once again, the boy started
asking questions and asked what "****" was. The father told him that it

was "shaving cream". The boy accepted this answer and went downstairs
were his mom was stuffing a turkey. When the mom cut herself with a
knife, she said "****!" The boy once again asked what "****" was.
She told him that it was "stuffing". About that time, the door bell
rang.

When the little boy went to answer the door, it was his grandparents.
Upon opening the door, the little boy said: "Hi *****es and bastards.
Let me take your crooked dicks and floppy tits for you. Dad's upstairs
putting **** on his face and mom's in the kitchen ****ing the turkey."
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