Joke of the Day...

[CobraDan]

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in
Mexico . While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious
looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good,
the smell was wonderful.


He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"


The waiter replied, "Ah, Señor, you have excellent taste! Those are called
Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"


The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."


The waiter replied, "I am so sorry, Senor. There is only one serving per
day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."


The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening
was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.



After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said,
"These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw
you serve yesterday."


The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Señor. Sometimes the
bull wins."

[Ron61]

Tales Of Larry The Cable Guy

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand,you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of
jalapenos.

25. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow

[Ron61]

Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier and she asked him the three things he feared most.

He said :

"Osama, Obama, and Yo Mama."

[wtm442]

According to a news report, a certain school in Tulsa, OK was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the Maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.



Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. He called the girls to the washroom and met them there with the Maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the Custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.



To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the Maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. The Maintenance man took out a long-handled squeegee dipped it in the toilet and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

The moral of this story...

There are teachers, and then there are educators.

[VRM]

NBA OR NFL?

36
Have been accused of spousal abuse

7
Have been arrested for fraud

19
Have been accused of writing bad checks

117
Have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3
Have done time for assault

71,
Repeat
71 cannot
Get a credit card due to bad credit

14
Have been arrested on drug-related charges

8
Have been arrested for shoplifting

21
Currently are defendants in lawsuits,

84
Have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?


NBA or NFL ?


Give
Up yet? . . . Scroll down,


Neither,
it's the 535 members of the United
States Congress.