Joke of the Day...

[Bugman]

Here are some tips you all can share with the wife!

GOOD HOUSEKEEPER OR REAL WOMAN: TIPS FOR THE MODERN WOMAN

THE GOOD HOUSEKEEPING WAY:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice-cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
THE REAL WOMEN'S WAY:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

THE GOOD HOUSEKEEPING WAY:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
THE REAL WOMEN'S WAY:
Buy Deb mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

THE GOOD HOUSEKEEPING WAY:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
THE REAL WOMEN'S WAY:
The Cheese Cake Shop sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

THE GOOD HOUSEKEEPING WAY:
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
THE REAL WOMEN'S WAY:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's just tough. Please recite with me the Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

THE GOOD HOUSEKEEPING WAY:
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
THE REAL WOMEN'S WAY:
It could keep forever. I don't eat it.

THE GOOD HOUSEKEEPING WAY:
Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
THE REAL WOMEN'S WAY:
Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing any egg whites over the crust so I don't do that.

THE GOOD HOUSEKEEPING WAY:
Got a headaches? Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
THE REAL WOMEN'S WAY:
Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it into a mug of tequila. Drink the Tequila. You might still have the headache, but at least you will be too drunk to care.

THE GOOD HOUSEKEEPING WAY:
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
THE REAL WOMEN'S WAY:
Go ask mister cute arse, cute legs, single neighbour to do it for you.

THE GOOD HOUSEKEEPING WAY:
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
THE REAL WOMEN'S WAY:
Left over wine???? Helloooo...

[CobraDan]

Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The horse died."

Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"
I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He's the one who figured out how
this "bail-out" is going to work!