Jokes

[MRGEORGE077]

Joke of the Day!
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He ties the husband to a chair; while tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!

He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain.

Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.

This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

She responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.

He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too."

[letsboogie351]

A student asked his English professor, “What is the definition of a dilemma?"

The professor responded, “Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate the answer to that question."

"Just imagine that you're laying in a really big bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side of you, and a poofter on the other."

"Which one are you going to turn your back on?"

[bliss]

High five...

[bliss]

[bliss]

Pepsi MAX & Jeff Gordon Present: "Test Drive 2"

[TN Shelby Cobra]

Bliss, I have to admit that was good!

[MRGEORGE077]

BLACK VOOdOO

One of the best commercials seen in a long time!


Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/embed/Yn0ey0vePwI





















Betcha she does!!!!!!

[MRGEORGE077]

Le dîner de Mariele - Chien drôle mange à table

(Dinner Mariele - Funny dog ​​eats at the table )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub1Dc3NHZ3s

[bliss]

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.

Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, I said.

Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She was "only thinking of me" she said, and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.

I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 73 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.


She immediately telephoned me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, I'm in trouble again; I really don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week."

The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.

[bliss]

Also, a thought for today....

[bliss]

Cosby...

"I wasn't always black...
There was this freckle,
and it got bigger and bigger."

>>>

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

>>>

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

>>>

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.

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Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

>>>

When you become senile, you won't know it.

[bliss]

Would you stop to help out?

[bliss]

This appears to be a lesson on project management...

[bliss]

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SywpGHTsg00"]Insane Himalayas Bus Ride Not For The Faint Hearted[/ame]

[MRGEORGE077]

ToyoHog! 1-of-a-kind Harley Davidson Powered Prius, Street Reg, Full Roll Cage;

Hilarious

Toyota Prius HD Special Edition | eBay

[bliss]

I’ve received many remarkable nature photographs over the years but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable Nature shot that I’ve ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly breath-taking!
I've sent this to most of my older friends. The younger ones probably have never seen a falcon and wouldn't recognize it.

Nesting Falcon

_____

The only cow in a small town in Alberta stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow up in Melfort, Saskatchewan, for $200.

So they bought the cow in Melfort, brought it back to Alberta and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

Then they decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.


They bought a bull and put him in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the local veterinarian, who was very wise, what to do. They told the vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away" they said. "If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The veterinarian thinks about this for a minute and asks, "Did you buy this cow in Saskatchewan?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Saskatchewan?"

The veterinarian replied, with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Saskatchewan."

[FWB]

[MRGEORGE077]

Myrtle Beach Golf - The Golfer's Dilemma



[ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A0kdBDwNddc[/ame]

[letsboogie351]

Two old Diggers are drinking in a bar.

One says: "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"


"Aw sh*t," says his friend, "and I just joined f*cken Rotary"

[bliss]