Jokes

[bliss]

Every girl is bi, just gotta figure out if it's polar or sexual.
_____

A wife got so mad at her husband that she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?
_____

My grandkids laughed when I told them that I'm older than Google. Turns out, I'm also older than McDonald's, Disneyland, Mickey Mouse Club, disposable diapers, N.A.S.A., Barbie, "the pill", and hula hoops. Also, I was born before Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus, but I'm still the best thing since sliced bread! (sort of).
_____

An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn’t be found locally, the call went out around the world.

Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood to the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a further corrective surgery procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: “I thought you would be more generous than that. Last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds, and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?”

To this, the Arab replied: ”Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.”