Jokes

[dave from mesa]

Two female co-workers are having a conversation at work.

Woman 1: Did you have good sex last night?

Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in 4 minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in 2 minutes. How about you?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home. He took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we took a walk for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. After foreplay we had an hour long session of fantastic sex and then we talked for an hour. It was like in a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: Did you have good sex last night?

Husband 2: Yes, it was great! I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, sc***ed my wife and fell asleep. What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I didn't pay the bill. In return I had to take my wife out to dinner and the dinner was so expensive that we didn't have money for a cab. So we had to walk home; 'took an hour - and when we got home, there was no electricity, so I had to light f***ing candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't finish for another hour. After I finally did, I was so mad and aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

[BigGuy]

A man notices that his coworker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his coworker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is
curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
So, he says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make a big deal of it, it's only an earring," the coworker replies
peevishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods
him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

I always wondered how this trend got started, and
now I know.

[Ron61]

The Candy With The Little Hole


This should make you smile.
You have to love little kids.


The children began to identify the flavors by their
color:

Red....................Cherry
Yellow................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange ..............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!