Jokes

[Sharroll Celby]

A man walks into a bar in the Old West, and sees the bar owner's horse sticking its' head in the window. The man bets the bartender $500 that he can make the horse laugh. Bartender says "OK". Man walks over to the horse, whispers in its' ear, and the horse ROARS with laughter. Man collects his $500 and walks out.
A week later, the same man walks into the same bar, and sees the horse sticking its head in the window. Man bets the bartender $1000 that he can make the horse cry, without touching the horse. Bartender accepts the bet, and the man walks over to the horse, takes its reins, and walks the horse around the back of the building. The man and the horse come back not 20 seconds later, and the horse is BAWLING its' eyes out. The man collects his $1000 and heads for the door.
Bartender stops the man and asks how he was able to take $1500 of the bartenders' money. Man says he got the horse to laugh by whispering in its ear that he was hung better than the horse. Bartender asks how he got the horse to cry. Man says that when he walked the horse around the back..............he showed him!

[Ron61]

I received this from Mike.

A Massachusetts State Police Officer sees a car puttering along the
highway at 38 MPH so he turns on his lights and pulls them over. There are
five old ladies ~ two in the front seat and three in the back ~ eyes wide
and white as ghosts silently staring straight ahead.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand,
I was doing exactly the speed limit: 38 MPH! What seems to be the
problem?"

The Trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "38" is
the route number, not the speed limit.

The 80-year-old woman sheepishly grinned and thanked him for pointing
out her error.

"Before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask: Is everyone in this car okay?
The other ladies seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep
this whole time."

"Oh, they'll be okay in a minute," says the driver. "We just got off of
Route 128."

[Ron61]

Florida Court Sets Atheist Holy Day!

Gotta love this Judge! You must read this....a proper decision by the
courts...for a change.

FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY In Florida , an atheist created a
case against the upcoming Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an
attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and
observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that
atheists had no such recognized days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate
presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case
dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor,
How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas,
Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet
my client and all other atheists have no such holidays.."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client,
counsel, is woefully ignorant." The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are
unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm
14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is
the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then
he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!


In GOD we trust!..

[VRM]

Good one Ron!!

Top 10 reasons Beer is better than religion...

10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2,000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.

[Ron61]

Steve,

I like # 2. People around here prove it every day and have the tickets to show they proved it.

Ron