Jokes

[Dan40]

A Saudi student sends an email to his Dad



Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,
I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when
all my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser
************************************************** ******

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad

Loving Son,

Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.
Your Dad

[Ron61]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Hotel Bill

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:

My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George . Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00.

I explode and demanded to know why the charge is so high. I told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.'But we didn't use them," I said.''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," I said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I replied,"But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.

I wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. "But sir, this cheque is only made out for $50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife," I replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

I said, "Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with Senior Citizens

[Ron61]

NYMPHOMANIAC CONVENTION


A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in,
he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the
plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat.
As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip
or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the
Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston .."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had
ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of
nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly
asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned
from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular
myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American
men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the
Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when
actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also
discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the
Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with
you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

[Skully]

I was informed today that the state of Arizona when tested is the dumbest state ,they gave the test in English !