Jokes

[letsboogie351]

Daryl is on his way to the pub driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend Shazza about to throw herself off.
Daryl slams on the brakes and yells:
"Shazza what the bloody hell d'ya think ya doing?"
Shazza turns around with a tear in her eye and says:
"G'day Daryl. You got me pregnant, so now I'm gonna kill meself".
Daryl gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
Shazza, he says, Fair dinkum not only are ya a top root but you're a real sport too", and drives off to the pub.


A Sydney blonde was so depressed that she decided to endher life by throwing herself from the Harbour Bridge.
She went to the bridge and was about to leap into the water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food everyday."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy.
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, who's stowed me away" she explained. "I get food and free passage to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain replied "this is the bloody Manly Ferry".

[bliss]

The dreaded Sobriety Test

Boy!..I don't know if I could pass it!

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A woman went to the doctors office. Where she was seen by one of the new
younger doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst
out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and
asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening,
he had her sit down and told her to go relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first
doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63
years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you
told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking
up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"