Jokes

[bliss]

Now, there is such a thing as too big, right?

Chelsea Charms (Huge Boobs Interview) - 12/05/2011 - YouTube

Sounds you don't hear anymore....

1. remember the sound of a rotary dial telephone???

2. remember when tv stations would go off at night??? the star spangled banner would play@ then you would get the test pattern and loud static???

3. the sound of the rotary channel changer on the tv??? and most folks only got 3 channels??

4. the sound of the old cash registers???

5. the sound of the old flash bulbs in cameras???

6. the sound of the coins dropping into the old pay phones???

others-
LP Falling on a turntable

8 track changing trackes in my car stereo

A real ringing telephone. And a different ring depending on party line.

A real siren on police/fire/other emergency vehicles.

Oooga horns.

AM car radios.

Curb finders attached to the fenders and scraping the cement curbing.

The hang on the window speakers at drive-ins.

Stove top percolator gurgling.

Hand cranked egg beater.

Playing cards clothes pinned in the back wheel spokes of your bicycle.

Drag around the house canister vacuum.

"WSM" and Grand Ole Opry on Saturday night radio.

Wind up alarm clock with a real bell.

Ice Cream truck music coming down the block.

Real Church bells playing actual music from miles away.

That deep throated satisfying rummble from a big block Chevy with glass packs. (These little humming high RPM rice burners today just don't have the sound of a real race car to me ..... sorry)

An old worn out B&S engine mounted on a 2x4 wood frame with rope steering and Barney Flint type brakes. Remember the old motor so worn out it would run lean as hell and pop loud as a cherry bomb about every other revolution.

The happy squeal of 6-8 neighborhood kids who all working together had finally caught enough fireflies to be able to read a few words by their collective light through the jars.

The sound of a manual typewriter and the "ding" when it was time to hit the return arm to go back to the start.

That ding ding sound when you'd pull into a gas station

A coffee pot perking
_____

A drunk sees a man looking under the hood of his car. "Wassup?"says the drink.

The man says, "Piston broke." "Yeah," says the drunk. "Me, too."
_____

[bliss]

Happy Thanksgiving !!!!!

Naughty Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving.................
1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up
happy turkey day to all....
_____

IF MY BODY WAS A CAR...

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ..
But that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --


Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!