Jokes

[bliss]

Driving my friend Steve and his girlfriend to the airport, we passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Steve's girlfriend glanced up at it and announced, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her."

"No," Steve corrected. "If I drank a six-pack, you'd look like her."
_____

I was with my husband at a baseball game in Boston's Fenway Park when I decided to go get myself a hot dog. As I stood up my husband asked me to buy him a beer. The young clerk at the concession stand asked to see verification of age.

"You've got to be kidding," I said. "I'm almost 40 years old." He apologized, but said he had to insist. When I showed him my license, the clerk served me the beer. "That will be $4.25."

I gave him $5 and told him to keep the change. "The tip's for carding me," I said.

He put the change in the tip cup. "Thanks," he said. "Works every time."
_____

Because all the best humor comes from Jewish stand-up comics,
it's easy to forget that there are Muslim comics as well.
Here's a sample of Muslim stand-up comic Goffaq Yussef's work:

Good evening gentlemen, and get out, ladies.

On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the
bathroom the entire time.
There was a sign on the door that said, "Occupied."

Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!

Did you hear about the Broadway play, "The Palestinian"
It bombed!

Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank ?
Because it's just a stone's throw from Israel!

Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys?
Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!

A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police:
"Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to
blow myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was, "I'm dying to get laid!"

What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward?
"Live ammunition."

Palestinian girl says to her mommy:
"After Abdul blows himself up, can I have his room?"