Jokes

[letsboogie351]

A hungry Kakadu crocodile was waiting on a bank of a river for a boatload of plump American tourists. Days passed, no tourists. Finally an Aborigine came down to the river to spear barramundi, and although he was pretty skinny, the crocodile decided that he’d be better than nothing. So he lunged at him, grabbed his feet and began to gulp him down, bit by bit. Whereupon the long-awaited boat of American tourists came into view. One of them spied the head sticking out of the croc and said, “Look! Look!”

Another tourist, a woman, said, “I thought they said Aborigines were poor. Well, there’s one with a Lacoste sleeping bag.”


A drunk at the Sydney casino stumbled into the loo and started feeding coins into the condom vending machine. Slowly but surely he filled his pockets with them. A bloke was waiting behind him.

“Excuse me, can I have a turn?”

“Not,” said the drunk, “when I’m on a winning streak.”


An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea. The Americans were incredulous.

Then later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine. He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air. The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine.

“Jacky,” said the tour guide, “what are you tracking and what are you listening for?”

The aborigine replied, “Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant ute. It’s red. The left front tyre is bald. The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel. There are 9 fellows in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat.”

The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.

“Goddammit man, how do you know all that?” asked one.

The Aborigine replied, ”I fell out of the bloody thing about half an hour ago.”