Jokes

[bliss]

.....truisms........

1. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

3. Bad decisions make good stories.

5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

6. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again

8. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

9. Was learning cursive really necessary?

12. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

13. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dude from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

15. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

16. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

19. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

22. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

23. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

32. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

33. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.