Jokes

[bliss]

A guy picked this woman up in a nightclub and took her home.
While they were walking home he didn't say a thing.
"You're not the communicative type, are you?" she said as they were undressing.
"Nah," he replied and pulled out his old fella.
"I do all my talking with this."
"Damn," said the girl as she leaned forward to look.
"You don't have much to say, do you?"
_____

We were sitting at the dinner table one night watching Wheel of Fortune when Pat started his introduction of the contestants, all women.
"I'm married to my handsome husband of 45 years," says the first contestant.
"I've been married to my wonderful husband for 12 years," says the second contestant.
"I'm married to an amazing man who is here in the audience today," says the third contestant.
Well ... Handsome is subjective. But I had to know.
"What's the difference between a wonderful husband and an amazing husband?" I asked my wife.
Without missing a beat she replies, "Ohhhh about 3 inches."
I was shocked my wife would say something like that, but after a bit of thought I asked, "So ... am I wonderful or amazing?"
She looked at me over top of her spoon and touched me lightly on the arm. You are handsome dear now eat your soup It's getting cold.
_____

A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma.

For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding.

Finally the old girl passed away.

On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years."

His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"