Jokes

[bliss]

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with the old rancher: "I need to inspect your ranch for illegal drugs. Rancher: "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....".

DEA officer: "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !" ,pulls his badge out, "See this badge? This badge means I am can go anywhere I wish, at any time. No questions asked or answers given! Have I made myself clear"?

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs: "Your BADGE!, show him your BADGE!"
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A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, "What do you want it to equal"?
_____

Actual call center conversations.....

Samsung Electronic
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that
I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

[bliss]

Eye Candy Friday.....

[bliss]

something for the ladies...



Back on track....

Have you ever had this happen?

[bliss]

A husband and wife are campaigning for a friend who is contesting the local elections. They both become so busy that they do not think of anything else but about the elections -- so much so that they communicate about everything in political language.

One night the husband wants to have sex desperately, but seeing the wife busy doing some work, goes to her and says, "I would like to put my candidate in your legislature."

The wife, not realizing this was meant for something else, without raising her head says, "Our party is not going to accept this."

The husband is disappointed but he goes to sleep.

After some time the wife realizes what the husband meant, so she wakes him up and tells him, "Darling, now you can put your candidate in my legislature."

The husband replied, "Sorry, I cannot do that. My candidate stood independent and lost his deposit!"
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Kid's today...

The teacher asks the kids in class:"What do you want to be when you grow up?...Johnny?

Johnny says:
"I Wanna be a billionaire, so I can go into the most expensive club, pick up the best b!tch,
give her a million bucks, a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet
to travel back and forth, plus an Infinite visa card, and then bang her like a screen door three
times a day".

Completely lost for words, the teacher decides to disregard him and turns to another child.

"And you, Maria?"

Without hesitation Maria says: "I want to be Johnny's b!tch."

[bliss]

So, isn't life like this sometimes....just when you think you're getting ahead..

[bliss]

[bliss]

A guy met a girl in a bar and asked, May I buy you a drink?

Okay. But it won't do you any good.

A little later, he asks, May I buy you another drink?

Okay. But it won't do you any good.

He invites her up to his apartment and she replies,
Okay. But it won't do you any good.

They get to his apartment and he says, You are the most
beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife.

She says, Oh, that's different. Send her in.