Jokes

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Conditioning for future activities is very important....

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An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?

It doesn't matter - none of them actually exist.
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This one cries out for a Caption Contest!
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"Corvettes......Just for looks"

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After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says....

WTF!
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Bigger is not always better....

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One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from
Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her defense: 'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'
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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut.

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half.' The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't come back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy go when he leaves?'

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,

'Your house!'

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That Age Old Question

As I get a bit older and have a bit more time , I sometimes have to create opportunities to keep my deductive reasoning skills sharp.

Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple
nice cold beers. The day was gorgeous, and the brew facilitated some
deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more
painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy
getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have
come up with the answer to that question: Getting kicked in the nuts
is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reasoning behind
my conclusion:

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be
nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I
would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case . . . still sharp as a tack.