Jokes

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Darren wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office. But she was dating someone else. One day Darren got so frustrated that he went to her and said I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you. The girl looked at him and then said, "NO!"

Darren said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.

So she called him and explained the situation. Her boy friend says, "Ask him for $200 and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down. Then give me a call."

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call.

Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "What happened?"

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"

Management lesson:

Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

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I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "do not eat if the seal is broken". so I opened it up and sure enough-----

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

I wouldn't mind being the last man on earth---I'd like to find out if all those girls were telling me the truth.

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The Greatness of Socrates

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually, I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.



( It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife. )
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Patty is visiting her father Ralph at the nursing home.

'I've been sleeping really well these past few weeks,' Ralph says.

'Why?' Patty asks. 'Have the nurses been giving you something to help you sleep?'

'Yes,' Ralph says. 'Every night I'm given an glass of warm milk and Viagra.'

'Why are they giving you Viagra?' she asks.

'I don't know,' Ralph says.

Patty finds a nurse down the hall and asks to know more about their sleeping aids.

'The warm milk helps him sleep,' the nurse says.

'But why the Viagra?' Patty asks.

'Oh,' the nurse says. 'That just keeps him from rolling out of bed.'

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Thought for the day.....

I'll bet Billy Mays is up in heaven partying like it's $19.99!

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A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California.

The Captain gets on the loud- hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "We are invading the United States of America! to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's." The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter.

When the Captain is finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"

The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there!"