Jokes

[bliss]

Best day ever.....



Short love stories...

A couple was driving home late at night after a party when the wife asked, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy, and irresistible you are to women?"
Her flattered husband grinned. "No, dear, they haven't."
She yelled, "Then what in the hell gave you that idea at the party tonight?!"?

>>>>>>

Bob says to his friend Bill, "My doctor says if I don't give up sex,
I'll be dead in a week."

"Why is that?" Bill asks.

Bob replies, "I've been screwing his wife."

>>>>>>

The Judge asked the prostitute, "Tell the court when you realized you had been raped".
The Prostitute replied, wiping her tears, "When his check bounced."

>>>>>>

A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too but he
leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was
stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

>>>>>>

After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the whole night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up.

"Get up dear," she said, "it's 20 to seven."

He awoke with a start and said, "In who's favor?"

>>>>>>>

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified. It read: "Wife Wanted" The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.

>>>>>>

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

>>>>>>

"I have to be very careful not to get pregnant," a woman told her friend.
"I don't understand," said the friend. "I thought your husband had a vasectomy."
The woman answered, "Precisely."

>>>>>>>

At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for
the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small
male genital. Would you please comment on this."

"The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a big mouth."