Jokes

[Buzz]

Lol - great stuff - including all the posts before this one - keep them coming. You can tell by the horizontal tail fins in this vid though, that these are porpoises, not sharks. A buddy of mine saw a shark silhouetted in a large wave once while spearfishing. Definitely got his attention!

[Ibr8k4vetts]

Originally Posted by Buzz

Lol - great stuff - including all the posts before this one - keep them coming. You can tell by the horizontal tail fins in this vid though, that these are porpoises, not sharks. A buddy of mine saw a shark silhouetted in a large wave once while spearfishing. Definitely got his attention!

Yep Porpoises, See them all the time here at the Rincon in Ca.

[bliss]

After both suffering from depression for a while me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.

But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Screw it, soldier on!”
_____

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!

I panicked. I did not know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
_____

[bliss]

I picked up a copy, it really helped me deal with my issue...plus it makes for a great coffee table book.

[bliss]

A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."

"So tell me then," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Dearborn Michigan , and still wearing all this sh^t?
______

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence....

Molly put up her hand and said,
"My family went to my granddad's farm,
and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating...."

The teacher said,
"That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating...."

Sally raised her hand....
She said,
"My family went to see Rock City and I was "fascinated...."

The teacher said,
"Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate...."

Little Johnny raised his hand....
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before....

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him....

Johnny said,
"My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight...."

The teacher sat down and cried....

[bliss]

Top Signs That You're Too Old to Trick or Treat

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or...” and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

[bliss]

Two hillbillies, Ed and Red walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, “Kin ya swaller?” The woman shakes her head no. “Kin ya breathe?” The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, “Ya know, I heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’, but I ain’t never seed nobody do it!”
_____



Patients treated by renal artery denervation were no more likely to

see their blood pressure decline than those who received a fake

therapy in a major clinical trial.

Although the blood pressure of those who received the denervation

treatment was considerably lower in comparison once those who

received the fake treatment were told about it.