Jokes

[bliss]

Sleeping in could easily be my superpower, if not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee.
_____

It's amazing the things you'll do for a person when you want to see them naked.
_____

Hey guys, the best time to propose at a restaurant is right after you order, but before you pull up to the window.
_____

Comcast is doing home security now...

so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there next Tuesday between the hours of 12 and 4pm.
_____

I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more.
_____

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping just short of the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this inconvenience. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."