Jokes

bliss · #1 (**permalink**) 04-06-2016, 08:32 AM

On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Joseph responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness

...and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
_____

Two Irish nuns, old and young, were sitting at a traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulled up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us your t!ts, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

The Mother Superior thought this would be a good test for the novice, and turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross".

So, Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Immaculata looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough, Sister?"

SMOKNAC · #2 (**permalink**) 04-11-2016, 08:20 AM

Free Sex

A gas station owner in Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week.”