Jokes

[bliss]

My goal for 2016 is to lose just 10 pounds. Only got 15 to go.

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really, just one big,
round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. OK, FINE, it was a
pizza!

How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some meat.

I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking face first into a spider
web.

I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20
minutes.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live
longer than men who mention it.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they
closed school? Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented....
Hmmmmm, I forgot where I was going with this.

I love being over 80. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.

A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so
I woke up and searched with him.
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