Jokes

[bliss]

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement

...in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree".
_____

The furniture store keeps calling me to come back.

But all I wanted was that one night stand.
_____

If a man speaks in the forest
and there is no woman there
to hear…
Is he still wrong?

[bliss]

How women think.....

Husband's text Message:

"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays.

The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot.

Wife's Response:

"Who's Paula?"
_____

Judge: "You understand that you have sworn, to tell the truth?"
Me: "I do."
Judge: "You understand what happens if you commit perjury?"
Me: "My side wins?"
_____

[bliss]

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this."

She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard... let's see how THEY like all the barking!"
_____

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and feel glad that you are alive? I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again.
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