Jokes

[bliss]

A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, “Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die...”
_____

There was this ancient story teller...

One of his stories was about a Kingdom that was having a lot of crime so the King said, "Whoever comes up with a solution that works will be greatly rewarded."

Many tried but their solutions did not work until this Old Man said he had the solution.

He asked to tear down all the jails and prisons. Then he had one jail for one person built.

Right away they had someone who committed a crime.

The Old Man said, "Put him in jail."

Very soon another committed a crime and the officers came to ask the Old Man what to do with him to which the Old Man answered, Kill the first one and put this one in jail!"

That ended the crime in the Kingdom.
_____

How do you determine the difference between an Aghan wedding and a meeting of Taliban leaders? Hell, I have no idea, I just fly the drone.

[bliss]

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."

"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"

"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.

"Hmm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"

"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but a briefcase..."