Jokes

[bliss]

Five facts of life
.
1) We all spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that
the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
.
2) Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but
having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is......PRICELESS.
.
3) Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend
of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
.
4) Arguing over a woman's bust size is like choosing between Coors, Bud,
Heineken or Corona. Men may state their preferences but will grab
whatever is available.
.
5) I haven't verified this on GOOGLE, but it sounds legitimate.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight -
live longer than the men who mention it.
_____

A 'different' 50 shades of grey....
.
He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face as he enjoyed the moment.
.
His wife moved forwards, then backwards, forwards, then backwards again... and again...and again, back and forth...back and forth...in and out...in and out...in and out...........in and out, ever so slowly and gently trying to draw in and use every inch....
.
Her heart was pounding…pounding that she felt it would burst from her chest......her face was flushed............she was dripping with perspiration, then she moaned, oh so softly at first, then she began to groan louder and louder and louder.
.
Till finally and totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream, a scream that shook him to the very core and she shuddered to a sudden halt.
.
Her whole body was taut and stretched her face like crimson, finally gasping for every breath she said:

"OK!, OK! So I CAN'T parallel park the bloody car."
_____