Jokes

[bliss]

A minister decided an unusual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

He placed 4 worms in separate jars.

The 1st in a jar of alcohol...
The second in a jar of smoke
The third in a jar of chocolate
And the fourth in a jar of good clean dirt.

The 1st died in the alcohol

The second died in the cigarette smoke.

The third died in the chocolate.

And the fourth remained alive and well.

He then asked the congregation what they learned from the lesson.

Maxine piped up, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms."
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I went to the store by bicycle last Friday night, bought a bottle of whiskey and put it in my bicycle basket. Suddenly I thought that I could fall off the bicycle, and the bottle would break. So I decided to drink the whole bottle right away, before going home. And you know, this was a really good decision, because on the way home I fell five times.
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I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I knew I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.
_____

My wife has weekly sessions with the devil on how to be more evil.

I don't know what she charges him for it though.
_____

I wonder if the guy who coined the term

"One Hit Wonder" came up with any other phrases.