Jokes

[bliss]

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. It's 11:00 AM on a Wednesday.
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He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"
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The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican and here illegally."
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The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America."
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The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese and here on a Green Card that expired two years ago."
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The new arrival walks farther and stops the next person he sees, then shaking his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America!” That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East. I am not American. It was easy to get here via Arizona."
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He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
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She says, "No, I am from Africa here on an Education Green Card that expired 10 years ago."
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Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
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The African lady checks her watch and says: "Probably at work."
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My Last Ride

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and ended in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful women who asked, “Are you okay?”

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

“I'm okay I think,” I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

“That's nice of you,” I answered, ”but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!”

“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse,” she insisted. “I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly.”

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, “I'm sure my wife won't like this.”

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now.”

“Don't be silly!” she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. “Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess.”
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Don't want to brag, or make anyone jealous but my wife still fits into her high school earrings!