Jokes

[CSX 4133]

A guy poked his head into a crowded barber shop and asked the barber how long of a wait. The barber replied about 2 hours, the guy then left, He showed up the next day and asked the same question. The barber said about 3 hours, the guy left again. The 3rd day the guy showed up and asked again. The barber said about 2.5 hours, and the guy left. The barber asked his friend Bob, who was waiting, to follow the guy and find out where he goes after he leaves the shop. Bob comes back to the shop and the barber asks, well where does he go. Bob with tears running down his face says, your house.

[Ron61]

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

[Ron61]

An extremely obese man with severe stomach pains goes to see a doctor. He can hardly stand, the pain is so bad. After an examination, the doctor is holding the x-rays and asks, "Did you at one time swallow a bullet?" The man answers, "Swallow a bullet? Of course not!" The doctor replies, "Well then, I'm afraid you've been shot!"