Jokes

[bliss]

There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a penny when he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time.

A local church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest churches. Jock put in a bid. Because his price was so low, he got the job. And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say,
thinning it down.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Jock clear off the scaffolding to land on the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke:
"Repaint! Repaint! and thin no more!"
_____

Tom, Dick, and Harry were in the pub, a week before Xmas, enjoying a few quiet drinks when they decided to get in on the Xmas raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.

Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize, six month's supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.

When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.

"Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."

"So do I," said Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"

"Not so good," Harry said, "I reckon I'll go back to paper..."