Jokes

[cobra de capell]

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch,entertain,sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill for, commit, snuggle, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.

HOW TO SATISFY A MAN

Show up naked ..... and bring beer.

[Cobrabill]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied, “Yep. None of us could get the jar open.”

[cobra de capell]

One afternoon, while talking to his friend Luther, Clem announced, "You know, I figure I'm about ready for another vacation, but this year I'm gonna plan it a little different." "How so," asked Luther? "Well, the last few years I took your advice on where to go. Three years ago you said 'go to Hawaii'. So I went to Hawaii and Ethel Mae turned up pregnant. Then two years ago you said 'go to the Bahamas'. I went to the Bahamas and Ethel Mae got pregnant. Then last year you said 'go to Tahiti' and when I did she got pregnant again!" "So what're you gonna do different this year," Luther asked? "Well," replied Clem "for starters, this year I'm takin' Ethel Mae with me!"
_____

During a neighborhood party, Joe got into an argument with
his neighbor, about presidential politics. Finally, the
neighbor asked me why Joe was such a dedicated Republican.

Joe told him that his father and grandfather were both
Republicans and he was carrying on the family tradition.

"That's it?" said the exasperated neighbor. "What if your
father and
grandfather had been horse thieves?"

"Well..." Joe replied, "I suppose then I'd be a Democrat."