Jokes

[BigGuy]

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!!! This
is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at
work think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs for offshore drilling rigs.

Here's his story:
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling friend.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down
lately, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize
it's not so bad after all.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the
office. It's a wet suit. this time of the year the water is quite cool. So
what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water
heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, and
heats it to a delightful temperature.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to
the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it
several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and
stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm
water, it's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few
seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but
the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick
to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my
dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the
fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing
in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the
surface to begin my chamber dry decompressions. When I arrived at the
surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water , the medic, with tears of laughter running
down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt
as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I
couldn't poop for 2 days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time
you're having a bad day @ work or just a bad day, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt!!!


I would like to see the Workers Comp claim for this!!!!