Jokes

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A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst.

He’s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency)
ID badge and a dull gray dress. There’s a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

“Well, cowboy,” says the genie.. “You know how I work....You have three wishes.”

“I’m not falling for this.” said the cowboy... “I’m not going to trust a FEMA genie.”

“What do you have to lose? You’ve got no transportation, and it looks like you’re a goner anyway!”

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

“OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and
drink.”

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

“OK, cowpoke, what’s your second wish.”

“My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.”

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

“OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!”

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says...”I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story:

If the government offers you anything, there’s going to be a string attached.

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Humor, but.......


Top 10 questions to ask the Democrat candidates for President:

10) If we can’t drill, can’t refine, can’t mine, can’t build nuclear power plants and can’t burn fossil fuels, how can we become “energy independent”? I mean besides returning America to the Stone Age.

9) If we start burning our food to avoid upsetting a few caribou, what will we eat next and how much will it cost compared to a gallon of ethanol?

8) Since our federal government has never failed to increase their original projected budget, or outspend that budget no matter how many times its been increased, why should we believe that you are going to lower the cost of health care if we let you manage that?

7) Aren’t you the folks who came up with the HMO?

6) If Cheryl Crow believes in one square of tissue per wipe, does she believe in one mini-pad per period and isn’t she on your team?

5) If America has already lost in Iraq, who won and when will we face the victor again?

4) If the people are so stupid that they need you to take care of their most fundamental needs, how do you feel about being elected by the dumbest people in America?

3) If illegal immigration was the key to America’s multi-cultural success, was legal immigration a blot on that record?

2) If Hillary Clinton can’t make her husband behave like a decent human being, why should we believe that she has the backbone to make Iran, North Korea, Syria, China or Russia behave?

1) Can anyone run for president now, or does affirmative action limit it to just empty suits from Illinois with no resume’ who have a Muslim sounding name?

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