Jokes

[VRM]

Idiot Sightings Reported


This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone
repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I
asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman
asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I
didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working.
He also requested that we report future outages by email (Does YOUR email
work without a telephone line?).


I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed
I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me
that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When
I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I
had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her.
She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the
receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.


I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and he
didn't want them to cross there anymore.


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceberg.


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I
replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled
knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was
crossing with an intellectually-challenged co-worker of mine when she asked
if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people
when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind
people doing driving?!"


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the
company due to 'downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun.
We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at
each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and
for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car,
we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that
side."