Jokes

[cobra de capell]

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."


"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"


His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone."


The husband replies, "Well, that's wonderful."


His wife then says, "You know, you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"


The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife, and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."


He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later, jumps into bed, and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.


His wife says, "Wow! That was wonderful!"


The husband says, "Don't move! I'll be right back." He returns to the bathroom and then goes back to the bedroom, and round two is even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.


Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back into the bathroom.


This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing in front of the mirror, saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife."


His funeral services will be held on Monday.
______

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”

“Go away!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” He said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. “If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”

The old lady stepped back and said, “Well I hope you’ve got a darned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of broke do you not understand?