Jokes

[uncltodd]

Great-grandson finds out great-grandpa is gonna get married, so he visits him at the Home.

"I'll bet she's good lookin', huh, Pops?"

"No, she's as ugly as a mud fence."

"Then I'll bet she's a fine cook, right?"

"No, she can burn water."

"Well then, she must be wealthy, right Pops?"

"No, she's gettin' by on Social Security, the same as me."

"Then why are you gonna marry her, Pops?"

"Because she can drive at night."



Pops comes back home after dominoes with the boys.

Momma says, "I'm not wearing a bra. Do you think it makes me look younger?"

He gives her the trifocal once-over and says, "Yeah it does. It pulls about half the wrinkles out of your neck."


Pops and two buds are sitting on a bench in the park.

Pops says, "It sure is windy."

"Huh?" Says the first bud.

"I said it sure is windy."

"No, it's Tuesday," said the first bud.

"Huh?" Says the second bud.

"I said it's Tuesday," said the first bud.

"I'm thirsty too," said the second bud.

"Let's go get a beer."

Hey, I'm a fat old bald guy not getting any younger.

I can get away with fat, and old, and bald jokes. If I can't laugh at myself, I have no right to laugh at anyone else.