Jokes

[Joe Wicked]

One of my all time favorites. This was originally posted on one of my Mustang boards but I think all who work on cars can relate.



15 things I have learned about working on cars at night...

I had to get back under the car tonight at 11:45, right after I got the engine put back in. somehow in the haste of zipping the pan back on before dinner, I let the left side of the gasket fall into the pan, so 4 bolts went from pan to block. i had a cherry picker from work, which HAS TO BE BACK tomorrow. I didn’t feel like pulling the motor again, so I opted to do the "drop the starter and the pan and reinstall it" method. Well, here's what I learned:

1. you WILL end up under the car, on your back, just getting positioned when you realize you grabbed the wrong extension. the other is about 5 feet from you. After you shimmy out and back in, you realize you need a deep socket and not the shallow one on the end of the correct extension... because you pulled the right socket off of the right extension.

2. When you are on your back under a greasy SVO, you WILL be covered with the nastiest smelling, most vile crap you can imagine. Every fluid they have leaks when the pan comes off for some reason.

3. You will find yourself needing the 13mm deep socket that you conveniently placed on your right side, while your right arm is holding the pan and a starter.

4. When you THINK you got a pan bolt started, it WILL fall out and bean you directly between the eyes.

5. Don’t turn your head: there is a puddle conveniently placed wherever you decide to. There’s 120 square feet of space under an SVO, and that 4" by 4" puddle is DIRECTLY where you need your head to be.

6. If you drop a bolt, it will end up directly in the center of the car, almost like God is throwing darts at a bulls-eye.

7. You will find new meanings to the word pain: a 20 pound starter falling from its perch and landing on your forearm is a good starting point.

8. The neighbor's dogs will bark every goddamned time they hear your cordless impact.

9. You will zip the pan down to find out the VERY LAST bolt fell out and now the hole isn't lined up. Drop the pan again and start over.

10. The pan gasket will not stay on the back of the crank. Drop it AGAIN.

11. Remember where that last bolt you dropped went? Good, because I don’t. Spend 5 minutes hunting for it to find it in the cuff of your pants.

12. No matter how you turn your head (and into the puddle, attempting to avoid blindness), the droplight will find a way to shine DIRECTLY into your eyes. PS - it never hangs up where you want, only where you DONT want it to.

13. you will open, shut, and lock the door to your truck FOUR times, because every time you walk back to the SVO you find ONE MORE motherf***ing tool.

14. The box you use to carry your droplights and work lights will break in half as soon as you get into the house. your brand new halogen lights will hit the floor and one will explode. Spend 15 minutes cleaning up glass.

15. in the shower, the entire f**king shower rack will FALL OFF the wall and land squarely on your already f**ked up foot. Spend 5 minutes cleaning the bathroom after throwing a 95 MPH fastball. errr... fastshampoobottle into the tile floor.

Realizing you should have just pulled the ****er out again? PRICELESS.

Its 2:25 am, i should have been in bed hours ago.