Jokes

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Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed:

A ... Almost Boobs
B ... Barely there.
C ... Can't Complain!
D ... Damn!
DD... Double damn!
E ... Enormous!
F ... Fake

[tfalk]

They finally revealed the ingredients in Viagra:

3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat

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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"
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Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."

The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."
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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."
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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
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WE MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD, BECAUSE . . ...

He said .. .

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, "Why?" He said, "Because you came home early"

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with.

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I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking
it really scared me, so that's it!

No more reading!
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A handful of 7 year old children were asked ' what they thought of beer.'

Some interesting responses, but the last one has a familiar ring.........

7 year old Tim- 'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.'

7 year old Mellanie - 'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.'

7 year old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'

7 year old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'

7 year old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.

7 year old Lilly - 'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'

7 year old Ethan - 'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbeque and they taste disgusting.'

7 year old Shirley - 'I give Dad's beer to the Dog and he goes to sleep.'

7 year old Jack - 'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'